Will you still love me when I am no longer young and beautiful?
by LyannaJackson
Summary: Jaime returns to King's Landing, full of anticipation. The only thing he wants is to hold his twin sister in his arms. But, Cersei's reaction isn't what he had expected. The second he was less than perfect, Cersei's feeling had changed. What happens when Jaime realizes Cersei's true motives?
1. Chapter 1

Jaime cursed as he was shoved for the third time that day by a street urchin in King's Landing's muddy and filthy streets.

"Out of the way, country' boy" a peasant shouted at the once glorious knight. Jaime sighed in frustration. Of course, no one recognized him now. Jaime's famous golden hair were shaved and he had grown a shaggy beard, something that he knew Lord Tywin would never approve of. But, that wasn't at least the worst of it. His right hand, with which he had held a sword since the tender age of seven, was now rotting somewhere in the riverlands. The stump Jaime was left with wasn't any use even at eating. Jaime's pride was deeply wounded and he knew he would never be the same man ever again. The only thing he was ever good at in his whole life was fighting and fucking…and now he had lost all hope of fighting. Only one alternative remained.

_Cersei. _Jaime's thoughts were constantly occupied by his beautiful twin sister. He had kept himself sane by solely thinking of her kisses, just like he had done back then when he was servicing the Mad King. When that bloody Vargo Hoat had cut his hand and tortured him mercilessly, Jaime was only thinking that he should live so that he could see Cersei at least on last time. That's the only reason Jaime had been pressing the wench, Brienne of Tarth, not to rest at night and to eat while riding so that he could meet Cersei as soon as possible. The wench, who was currently steading him so that he wouldn't fall in the filth and embarrass himself even more. Jaime hated the wench at first, never regarding her as an equal fighter, but more as a monstrous crime of nature. But, after all they've been through, Jaime had grown strangely protective towards her. The Lady Brienne had saved his life and Jaime thought that without her, he could still be back to Harrenhal accompanying Lord Bolton and his leeches.

Brienne didn't look much like a lady now. The armor Lord Bolton had given her, made with castle-forged steel, was hidden beneath a dirty, woolen cloak that smelt like people living in the Mud Gate. The hood kept her face hidden, with only her blue eyes showing their stern look. Jaime wasn't much better though. He looked nothing like the handsome, shining knight of the Kingsguard people had known. The arrogance had left him and the proud look in his eyes had vanished, leaving just a suspicious one with only a spark of life.

That's the main reason why the two redcloaks had stopped them from entering the Red Keep and threatened to throw them in the dungeons, or worse, to Lord Tywin's mercy.

"I am the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, fool," Jaime shouted angrily, a hint of his old self coming suddenly back to life. "This is my escort, Lady Brienne of Tarth."

"The hell you—'' one of the guards started to say, grabbing his sword, but the other one seemed to recognize Jaime and hissed an order to his mate, while sheathing his sword. The first guard stared fearfully at Jaime and muttered an apology.

"Beg your pardon, m'lord," the older redcloak said. "The lad didn't know who you were."

Jaime grunted an answer as he stepped into the Red Keep, Brienne whispering an order to the younger guard. He seemed relieved and started running towards the servant's hall, spluttering Jaime with rainwater.

"I asked him to announce us to your father," said Brienne cautiously, as if expecting Jaime to protest.

"Cersei first. I can't deal with my father right now." Jaime spat, making his way quickly into the half-forgotten labyrinth of the Red Keep.

"But Lord Tywin will surely…" Brienne started, struggling to keep up with Jaime's pace.

"I have to see my sister first. Can you go and inform him of our arrival? Tell him I will meet him when I am presentable again…Brienne," said Jaime desperately looking at Brienne. The Beauty of Tarth nodded and Jaime didn't wait to hear her response. He turned around almost rudely and started running down the halls to Cersei's chambers. Jaime's heart was beating a thousand times faster, knowing that the moment he had anticipated for almost a month was close. He avoided the sideway stared he got from servants and maids. The only thing that mattered was to hold his sister in his arms again. Jaime didn't even care that his whole body stinked and his clothes were ragged. He knew that his twin would never reject him. They had been born together. They were meant to be together always.

Jaime stopped before the wooden door. He could hear the rustling of fabric inside and his blood was thumping in his ears. His eyes watered from the power of his emotions, creating clear, teary paths in his face. The queen's lover took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

Cersei was sitting with her back turned on him. Her long, golden hair were glimmering in the bright sun, their length almost at her waist. Her bedroom had a view to all the city of King's Landing and his twin looked peaceful, even serene, standing there, her face bathed in the morning sunlight and her green eyes the same shade of her brother's.

Jaime thought he had been standing at the doorway for a thousand years, trying to take in the wonderful image. But, then Cersei turned abruptly, probably expecting to see her handmaiden. When her gaze fell on him, Jaime thought his heart skipped a beat. She froze and her mouth opened, in a motion to call her guards. She didn't though, and as she realized who she was looking at, her facial expressions changed dramatically. She looked at Jaime almost disgustingly, as if she couldn't believe that the peasant before her was her twin brother. Jaime felt his stump burn as Cersei's gaze was glued upon it.

"Jaime…is that you?" Cersei whispered, getting up from her seat and approaching him with hesitated steps.

"Yes. I just arrived here. I was riding day and night to come to you. I haven't met anyone else yet." Jaime emphasized the last words, trying to make Cersei understand that he did all this for her. Her reaction wasn't at all the one Jaime was expecting.

"Your hand." Cersei said, reaching out as if to touch him but then stopped her motion, letting her hand fall. "What happened?" she asked, as if she still couldn't believe Jaime was really there.

"That doesn't matter now. I am here. We are together." Jaime said.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" Cersei asked angrily, her cheeks flushing. "You are too late, Jaime. You weren't there when I needed you. When…" his sister chocked in her words.

"It wasn't as if I could come sooner," Jaime protested, suddenly annoyed.

" Our son is dead, Jaime" Cersei spat, her voice raising. "And now, with your hand, you can't protect Tommen either." She said, shooting a scornful look at Jaime.

Jaime was speechless. He couldn't believe that the person he loved the most in the world was so indifferent towards him. Cersei didn't seem to care at all about him.

"You must resign from the Kingsguard. You have to become Lord of Casterly Rock and rule beside me." Cersei's face flashed, now looking at Jaime like a wolf its prey.

"No," said Jaime sternly, coming back to his senses. " I won't do that. You were the one who made me join the Kingsguard in the first place."

"Yes, so that we will be together. Now all it takes to be together is to claim your birthright!" Cersei reached and cupped his face, her eyes like wildfire.

Jaime flinched at her touch. He didn't know that woman, that stranger. He stepped back a few paces.

"Excuse me, my queen. I need to speak with Lord Tywin. I shall see you at dinner." Jaime muttered disgustingly, leaving through the door without so much as a glance to his sister. She didn't pursue him. All hope was lost to Jaime.

Jaime would never think he would find himself in this position. He had given up everything for Cersei and now, the _second he was less than perfect,_ Cersei decided she had no longer use of him. Jaime was so angry that if he had his sword hand he would kill anyone on sight. He leaned against a wall and closed his eyes, his hand balling in a fist.

Why did the gods made him love such a hateful woman?

**PLEASE REVIEW and tell me if you liked it, so that I can continue it. This is my first GOT fanfcic so I want positive feedback. I have wonderful ideas for the plot, so please review and tell me what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Higher!"

Shouted Bronn, lifting his sword to aim Jaime's head. Jaime spat at the ground, tired and humiliated, after an exhausting afternoon of swordplay with his left hand. When their training started, Jaime hoped that his left hand would be as good as his right, by he was dreadfully mistaken. The sellsword gave him more and more cuts and bruises as the evening passed.

"Fuck you, Bronn," yelled Jaime, as his sword fell from his weak fingers once more. The grinning man just shrugged and leaned against his greatsword.

"You will need to work harder, _Lord Commander," _mocked Bronn, as he gulped down wine. "It is only a matter of time before the great lords and ladies you are no longer the Lion of Lannisters."

Jaime shot him a murderous look and bent down to retrieve his sword. His knees ached and his stump sent torturous waves of pain to his body. There were many times when Jaime tried to block a hit with his right hand, forgetting that it didn't exist anymore. It had ended painfully.

"Why my brother thought you would be of ant use is beyond me," spat Jaime. "Be careful not to let your tngue loose, sellsword,"

Bronn grinned once more, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Don't worry, Lannister. I am loyal to your family...and your gold,"

Jaime was already crossing the courtyard while Bronn was talking. He felt like there was no purpose in his life anymore. He was born a fighter, to lead great armies to war, not to sit in councils with traitors and backstabbers. He could never accept the postition his father wanted to give him or even protect Tommen as Cersei wanted. Jaime was so angry he ripped a tapestry as he made his way to the White Tower. This action gave him a little pleasure. It was one of Robert's favourites and anything that made Robert angry, gave Jaime joy. He must have had murderous look because he saw the maid passing by him flinching from terror.

Jaime slumped the door to his chambers hard enough to wake all the Red Keep and let out an exasperated sigh. Now he couldn't even get dressed. He dismissed the servant who broyght him dinner and instead, settled for a cup of wine. That at least he could do. He relaxed before the firelit bedroom and closed his eyes. He wanted to hit someone. He wanted to laugh with his comrades and eat with Tyrion. But most of all he wanted Cersei.

Cersei had been his lifeline to the world when the Bloody Mummers had captured him. Her thought gave him hope and the strenght to continue to live. But, now he wondered. Had he wasted all his life trying to please his sister? Would he have ever entered the Kingsguard if not for Cersei's plan's? Maybe, he would have a beautiful wife now and a totally different life. Jaime reckoned that there was a serious possibility that Cersei had not only stolen his past, but she would control all his present actions as she pleased.

"Sir Jaime?" Jaime opened his eyes and saw a thin boy looking at his boots.

"Yes?" he asked, irritated.

"Lord Tywin has asked for your presence in his chambers, m'lord," stammered the boy, glancing briefly at Jaime.

Jaime was more than surprised. He thought that after his father had disowned him, he would not want to set eyes upon him again. He informed the servant that he would be there in a fea minutes, and the relieved boy left as quick as the wind.

Jaime wore his best cloak, with the golden lion emroidered and his sword strapped in his rich belt. He looked himslef at the mirror. he was only a shadow of his true self, but still...he could not let his father sense his discomfort. He wore his new golden hand, which he dispised. Everything for the Hand of the King.

Lord Tywin was sitting at his desk, frowning over a letter, His hand flew against the parchment as his golden eyes shimmered with intelligence. Jaime was reminded of a time when his father summoned his as a little boy to scold him. He pushed the disturbing thought away and cleared his throat loudly.

"Jaime," Lord Tywin said flatly. His eyes did not leave the letter. "I was not sure you would come,"

"If you want to give me another lecture on how to be a perfect son, I will leave," said Jaime angrily.

His father's eyes pierced him like a lance. "No matter how many lectures I give you you will never understand sense. But this is not the reason I summoned you. Unfortunately, I cannot disown you completely, for the sake of your mother still."

Jaime let out a sigh. "For my mother, eh? Not for your legacy?"

"Cersei and I have discussed your situation." Jaime flinched at the sound of his sister's name. " You are to leave the Kingsguard and marry a cousin of yours, a distant Lannister, since you cannot longer fight. I accept no other answer than yes. We need to have an heir."

Jaime felt his head spinning. "And..Cersei?'

"She is to marry the Tyrell heir." his father stated seriously.

Jaime shot a deathly stare at Lord Tywin. Father and son duelled silently. Lord Tywin was a frightening person, but Jaime was not a boy anymore. He respected his father as a strategist, but he knew he was terrible as well. Suddenly, the idea dwaned on him: Tywin knew about his relationship with Cersei. _He knew_, but he chose...this.

"Where are you going, Jaime?" whispered Lord Tywin almost affectionately, as he watched his firstborn leave his chambers once more.

"To find Brienne."

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